I hope by now you’ve read Parts 1 and 2 of this series. The way our fathers show up in our lives or fail to show up at all can have many negative consequences on us as we become adult women. The last time we discussed what it’s like to have a Disapproving Dad and it’s impact on our lives. This week, I am going to share with you the impact of a Dictator Dad.
The Dictator Dad: Living with a dictator dad is like living with a military drill sergeant. He gives out a lot of rules and regulations for his daughter to obey, but he has not discovered how to create a real bond and closeness with her. He’s very legalistic in his approach, rigid beliefs and philosophy on how his daughter should think, speak and behave. He never or rarely tells his daughter that he loves her and he speaks to her in loud and harsh tones. He hasn’t learned that rules and regulations without relationship leads to failure. His extremely strict rules can feel like there’s no oxygen in the home.
The Dictator believes he the ruler. But a father is a leader in the home…not a ruler. A leader serves the people he leads and understands what they need. A ruler only wants what he wants. He comes from a space of fear and a real leader comes from a space of love. A ruler wants to control. A leader wants to guide.
The Impact of a Dictator Dad on His Daughter’s Life: The daughter grows up to become a distant and resentful woman. She is often perceived as cold, uncaring and angry. She tends to only focus on the task at hand instead of the people she’s interacting with. The daughter is usually disconnected from her heart space which can create lots of friction in her love relationships. Her take charge, lay down the law attitude with her mate can sometimes cause trouble with intimacy and communication. People find this daughter offensive in her approach at times and she’s mostly driven to compete with others instead of complete others.
The daughter of a Dictator Dad must find ways to understand how to connect with her heart space. She’s accustomed to living from a space of fear and control, so learning to live from love and freedom must be her focus. Learning what love looks like and how to connect to her heart space is recommended. Embrace new skills of learning to connect with others on deeper levels and you will begin to see your relationships blossom.
It’s not always easy to change the patterns you learned when growing up. But it is necessary. Transformation takes time and getting the proper help is always recommended. It’s about flushing out those old beliefs that no longer serves us and embracing new ones that will help us to grow onto new levels. Know that you are loved and that you deserve to live your life without fear is key to overcoming the fears of a Dictator Dad. Our fathers have their own stories and we oftentimes don’t know their stories. But forgiving our fathers can become the first step in moving our lives forward to new paradigms for living successfully.
Questions: Did you have a Dictator Dad in your life? Tell us, what was your experience? Do you know someone with a Dictator Dad? What do you notice about their behavior patterns? Share below in the comment box. Stay tune for next week’s article about The Disabled Dad.
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