In my last article, I talked to you about “Our Daddy Love Styles.” Daddy Love Styles are ways in which the father demonstrates his love to his daughter and the impact that love style has on her life once she becomes an adult. The Daddy Love Styles are part of our Journey to Being Process™ Curriculum taught by our Certified Fatherless Daughter Advocates. There are Six Daddy Love Styles and today, I want to share with you about The Disapproving Dad.
The Disapproving Dad: There’s nothing his daughter could ever do to get his full approval of her. She spends her life trying to get his validation and approval. She just never seems to be enough for him. He has always required more from her by setting the bar extremely high. While this is good for a dad to teach his daughter to set high goals for her life, it becomes unhealthy for her when he doesn’t take the time to notice her as a person. He is constantly telling her to do better, pushing her higher and many times criticizing her.
A good father wants his daughter to succeed and it is his job as a parent to guide her to reach higher. But he must always take time to celebrate each win, accomplishment and achievement along the way. The Disapproving Dad appears to place more value on what his daughter does instead of who she is. And when the main issue for a fatherless daughter is identity, this kind of treatment can have many negative consequences in her life. A father’s job is to lay a healthy foundation for his daughter’s self worth through lots of unconditional love, praise, validation and approval for who she is.
Impact of a Disapproving Dad on His Daughter– This love style displayed by a father will keep the daughter constantly seeking the approval of others. It will leave her with feelings of not being good enough, not measuring up or having very low self worth or value. She will constantly look for new ways to be better by taking courses or reading endless self-help books and many times remaining in unhealthy relationships because she craves approval from her partner.
She is oftentimes uptight, overly ambitious and very competitive which can be destructive in her romantic relationships and even in her friendships with others. She operates in these patterns of behavior because she has a desperate need to always be better, to be more and be validated. And while there is nothing wrong with wanting to expand, grow or be the best, it’s important to understand that our worth and value are more about WHO we are and not WHAT we do.
The daughter of a Disapproving Dad must find ways to learn how to value herself and know that she is already good enough. She must not allow “not being good enough” to be the driving force behind why she pushes so hard in life. Once she learns to love herself unconditionally, she will come to embrace the truth that she is “good enough” and always has been. Stay tune for next week’s article as I share about The Dictator Dad.
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Questions: Did you have a Disapproving Dad in your life? Tell us, what was your experience? Do you know someone with a Disapproving Dad? What do you notice about their behavior patterns? Share below in the comment box. Stay tune for next week’s article.